My video game quest to help depression

The past week or so has been extremely depressing for me. With the corona virus here and everybody freaking out, it has made my depression come back tenfold. I haven’t left my house in a week, haven’t done grocery shopping, haven’t felt like writing blogs/articles for anybody. The only thing I’ve been doing is playing video games.

I decided to make it a personal mission to go back and play PVP games I was always too afraid to play because of toxic people. I started with CS:GO and my first game was a disaster. After spending hours in training, assuming I was good enough to finally take on some people, I had my first match. I got completely slaughtered. My training apparently didn’t pay off. I shut the game off after about 10 games and figured I would never play it again because I just wasn’t good.

The next day I thought back on where I was going wrong in CSGO. I realized my problem is that I was standing still while shooting. I needed to keep moving so I wasn’t an easy target. I decided to boot up CSGO and I even sent out a tweet beforehand saying that maybe I’d turn into a super saiyan this time around. That’s exactly what happened.

I got my first kill in a game and was like “okay, this is how you play”. Then I started to get much more kills and my confidence grew. I knew I still wasn’t that good compared to other people, but I was on to something. And then the unthinkable happened. In one game I ended up killing every single person on the other team. I couldn’t believe it. I was in such shock and excitement that I threw the controller out of my hand and stopped playing because I was in such disbelief.

The other team decided to all group together and take everyone out. I somehow snuck past them all and used the heaviest gun to kill them all off before they had time to realize where I was. I was literally right behind them. I wasn’t far, but they had no idea who was shooting them. I am finally playing CSGO often and am confident that I belong with the other players. Of course, I’m still in the low ranks and I’m sure once I start playing against top people I’ll get slaughtered. But, I’ll enjoy this for now

The next game I wanted to try was Fortnite. I tried Fortnite back when it was new and I sucked at it. I thought maybe it’s because I was on PS4 and if I played with PC this time around I’d have more control. Nope. Just like when I tried to play Apex Legends, I kept getting one hit ko’d by people across the map. This is because at this point everybody knows the maps and location of items. So if I don’t get to something within 10 seconds of landing I get insta killed.

I am taking a break from both Apex and Fortnite because I don’t feel like I have the patience to wait until I memorize the maps in my head. My experience with Apex was even worse. At least in my Fortnite game I could understand someone getting a good gun by the time I found something. In Apex, some dude legit shot me with a shotgun from all the way across the map. Explain to me how a short range weapons acts as a sniper rifle? Perhaps I will come back to them in a future date. Just like I did with CSGO.

The next game I want to play is League Of Legends. Perhaps the game I tried to avoid the most all of these years because everyone I’ve ever known says the people are toxic. I believe I did try LOL back in the day for just a single day and quit because I had at least 10 death threats in a single game. I am going to try coming back and learning everything. Back then I don’t think I tried to learn. I just hopped into a game and attacked everything.

The games I play in between are games I’m top rank in and have played for years. Rocket League is by far my favorite. I’ve been a champion on every platform. Lately I’ve been playing Legends Of Runeterra. I have become pretty good and am one of the top ranks Those are the two games I mainly play. So far this journey has been helping my depression.

The road to isolation and success

true story of mental health and life advice

I want to tell you guys a real story, that will hopefully inspire you guys to overcome the hard times in life. I wanted to do something different than what I usually do on this website.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He wasn’t like the other kids, and mostly wanted to be alone. He had many weird hobbies that people didn’t understand. Over the years his hobbies changed, but everyone thought his hobbies were still weird. Both friends and family wanted him to be normal and have “real” hobbies.

when this boy got a little older, and was a teenager, he dropped out of school because he didn’t want to learn things he wasn’t interested in. He told everyone that he wanted to be a writer and be an actor. Everyone called him lazy, including friends and family. They just saw him as a kid who wanted to stay home and do nothing while living some fantasy dream.

When this boy turned 18 and got his first job, he saved up his first 2 months of pay to go to an acting school. When he told his family they laughed at him and told him he was wasting his time. They said he was an adult now and he should start saving up to live on his own. They told him that he was wasting his life away.

After taking acting classes for a year, the 18 year old boy started to get roles. He started to find confidence. He wasn’t aware at the time, but he had a mental illness. He had depression and anxiety. Of course, he didn’t know this until in the far future when he would be in his mid 20’s. He started to make decent money doing acting. It was no longer a hobby like when he used a cell phone video camera to create really low budget movies.

However, in his city there wasn’t any acting opportunities and he didn’t like moving because of his mental illness. So, he gave up being an actor. All the people who started to finally stay silent were once again telling him he was a bum with no job and no education.

Social media was starting to become pretty big around that time. He thought to himself “what do I want to do in life?” and decided to start up a music review website. Everyone in his personal life, once again, called him a loser with no goal in life. The boy started to think they were right. Maybe he was a pathetic loser who would live with his mommy for the rest of his life.

When he started his music review website he really had no goals for it at first. Until he started getting a lot of views. Like, thousands of views a day. He then decided to start interviewing bands. It started off as a cute thing. But then more and more bands started to take notice of this young man. He was being taken a little more seriously. This young man decided to start taking some online courses for the music industry, To learn everything about the business.

He would then use that knowledge to help more musicians with their music. Eventually he was making a good amount of money. A few years into the website he had saved up enough money to move out on his own.

The people that were once telling him his little music website was pathetic for getting 3 views a day were suddenly nowhere to be heard or seen. He had indeed finally moved out of his mom’s place and into his own apartment. For the first step into being a real adult. Because of his stupid little hobby.

A few years later, this adult felt like he had proven all he had to prove in the music industry. He decided to close his business down and move on to something he’s been wanting to do for his entire life.

He decided to become a freelance writer. Even though he had moved out on his own and successfully once ran his own business….The people that wanted him so badly to fail were back again. How could this crazy man think he’s gonna make any money as a writer? Well, this man used the tool known as social media to search far and wide for clients. His first gig was actually for a small TV show in Atlanta. Which, for legal reasons, he is unable to say the name of.

That helped grow his writing experience and suddenly everybody wanted to hire this man as a freelance writer. It took about a year to once again make good enough money and it officially became his job. The loud voices telling him he was a failure were finally wiped away from existence permanently.

Since then this man has went back and finished his high school education and still takes online courses to this day because he realized how important learning really is. When he was in school, and young, he didn’t realize it. But now he is fully grown and matured.

That man was me. And it could also be you. Man or woman, do not let anybody ever tell you that you’re not good enough. It might take years but you owe it to yourself to work hard and do what you love.

I fought through mental illness, I fought through family and friends telling me I was a loser, I fought through years of getting no views or engagement on social media, I fought through getting nothing but hate comments telling me to give up. I fought through everything but I didn’t give up. No matter how long it took. No matter how many years I sat here uploading stuff to nobody. I fought through all that to get where I am.

I am not special. I’m just a regular guy who loves what he does. There lies the key. All it takes is a passion for what you love to do and the drive to fight through all the pain. It’s not going to be easy. You are going to want to give up time and time again. Don’t give up. This article shows you why you need to keep going. You CAN do it and you ARE good enough!